


Where Did I Go Wrong?

by alittleshitwithfeels



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Deaf Sabine, Gen, Genderfluid Kallus, Genderfluid Sabine, Kallus and Sabine were bros during the war, Kallus is part Chiss and has patches of skin hyperpigmented blue, New Republic era, Suicidal Ideation, Terminal Illnesses, genocide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 04:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10678107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittleshitwithfeels/pseuds/alittleshitwithfeels
Summary: In which Kallus is a wreck trying to sabotage himself to get what he would call a real punishment from the New Republic and Sabine struggles to deal with losing her friend while her health deteriorates.





	Where Did I Go Wrong?

"You’re late. _Again_.” Sabine’s voice managed to be both cold and harsh, but tinged with the pity of seeing her friend in such a state. The Kallus before her was far cry from the imposing, statuesque man who could intimidate enemy and ally alike. His long hair was tied back in a ponytail clearly several days old and loose, greasy strands framed a face of bloodshot eyes ringed with dark circles and lips pressed thin surrounded by thick stubble.

She’d known Kallus had been getting worse, but nothing she would say worked. Especially with the fact he’d started avoiding her except when he came to do his service and the fact she was his supervisor meant he _had_  to see her.

Kallus ignored Sabine’s scolding and pushed passed her and started mechanically mixing plaster. Sabine wrinkled her nose at the strong reek of alcohol radiating off Kallus and barely resisted the urge to cough.

“Kal,” she began just hoping that was the right name for today; he’d stopped telling her a few weeks back. “You can’t keep being late; they’ll have to re-evaluate your case. And with all of this....” Sabine trailed off, unable to face the thought.

“They’ll throw me in jail at best or kill me at worst.” His tone betrayed the fact he found the idea of execution more favorable. “I’m sad it would take being late to community service to make that decision, but glad it would be made nonetheless.”

Sabine’s shoulders slumped before tensing up barely a moment later. “Hera, Kanan, Zeb, Ezra, and I vouched for you so you wouldn’t be rotting away in prison!” _Or just rotting away_. “Kriff, I think if Chopper counted as a legal witness he would have too!” Before she could continue, Kallus had rounded on her, knocking over the half-mixed plaster as he went.

“I never asked y’all to do that!” He snapped. “I never _wanted_  that! I committed countless atrocities under the Empire, one of which had a death toll of over six _billion!_  I _should_  be in prison or dead. That damn court shouldn’t have given me mercy.”

“It wasn’t mercy, Kallus! We _all_  thought you could do more good if you stayed out of prison! You had been doing so much for the Rebellion!” Sabine’s chest tightened painfully as she practically screamed at him.

“Well they were _wrong_! _You_ were wrong.” Kallus snapped right back, clenching bare, blue-splotched fists at his sides

“Yeah, because _you_ decided to live at the bottom of a bottle like a kriffing coward!” She coughed and blood flecked her lips. When she spoke again, her voice was distant to her own ears. “For someone with such a guilt complex you sure as hell don’t care about how your actions affect others!”

Her vision faded into black, starry static and she vaguely felt herself swaying on her feet. Kallus’ cry was lost on her as she collapsed.

* * *

 

Sabine stirred awake and immediately noticed the lack of sound. Groggy, she reached up to feel her ears. Someone took out her hearing aids. She glanced around and felt her heart sink as she realized she’d been taken to a medcenter.

Her eyes fell on Kallus, who immediately slid a flask back into his jacket pocket and began signing.

_‘Do you want your hearing aids back? They took them out for an examination.’_

Sabine shook her head; she didn’t need to hear the maddening beeps of life support machinery. 

Kallus worried his lip, an act he’d apparently been doing a long while because a bead of blood welled up where his teeth met flesh.  _‘You didn’t tell me you were sick.’_

_‘When would I have, Kallus?’  
_

He winced at that because she was right. He’d been keeping his distance since the trial and barely talked to her when they were together. Shame burned in the pit of his stomach. He should’ve noticed. Should’ve known.  _‘I’m so sorry, Sabine.’_

Sabine’s hands remained still. There was nothing to say to that. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t bring herself to forgive him; the wound was far too fresh. And if the deep fatigue in her limbs was any indication, the wound wouldn’t have time to heal.

They sat in uncomfortable silence for several minutes before Sabine choked out a sob.

_‘I don’t want to die here, Kallus.’_

Kallus’ eyes widened and he began frantically signing that she wouldn’t die at all, but Sabine reached out and stopped his hands.

_‘I know I’m dying. Please don’t let me die here.’_  She didn’t want to die somewhere so cold and clinical. She didn’t want to die _at all_ , but she couldn’t change that part.

Kallus stood and for a moment Sabine was terrified she’d asked too much and he would bail, but instead he waved over a medical droid and asked it something, gesturing toward her emphatically. For a beautiful moment, his spine had straightened and the clear severity of his gaze returned, making him almost look like himself again. Together, the droid and him got Sabine into a wheelchair. He started wheeling her out, looking over his shoulder to thank the droid as it tapped out a message to the rest of the _Ghost_  crew.

He wheeled her to the outskirts of the small settlement, feeling an odd pang in his chest as he noticed the sun blazing low on the horizon. The others met them there and immediately swarmed Sabine. Kallus drifted toward the outer edge, throat growing tight and eyes stinging. 

He reached into his jacket, but found an odd resistance as he tried to withdraw the flask. He glanced up to find Kanan’s sightless eyes piercing through him. Glancing away, he let go of the cool metal and simply crossed his arms over his chest.

Everyone laughed and joked, trying their damnedest not to start crying as the sun sank lower and lower in the sky. As Sabine found herself unable to breathe well enough to speak and sign, Hera interpreted her signs for Kanan. Though as more blood flecked Sabine’s lips, everyone struggled to keep their composure and speak clearly. Kallus lingered on the fringe the whole time, not saying a word. He didn’t deserve a place in the family.

Just as the first stars started peaking out, Sabine dropped her arms, unable to dredge up the energy to move her hands. She leaned back in the chair, eyes fluttering shut. Her head lolled toward Kallus and she cracked a tiny smile and forced her eyes open one last time. He met her gaze, tears starting to ooze down his cheeks.

_‘I forgive you.’_  She mouthed before closing her eyes and exhaling her final breath.

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: "How about getting (terminally) sick and not telling Kallus and they meet up to paint and they start arguing because Kallus is angry that Sabine wanted to save him... but then Sabine collapses because she's sick and Kallus is like "oh fuck we need to go to a medbay" but then Sabine confesses and tells Kallus she doesn't want to die in a medbay."


End file.
